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The Gospel According To St. Titleist

  1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. - Grantland Rice
  2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. - John Updike
  3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. - Robert Lynd
  4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. - Horace G. Hutchinson
  5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. - Gardner Dickinson
  6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. - Sam Snead
  7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. - William Wordsworth
  8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin
  9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. - Tommy Bolt
  10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. - Bishop Sheen
  11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. - Arnold Palmer
  12. My handicap? Only woods and irons. - Chris Codiroli
  13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. - Pete Dye
  14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! - Buddy Hackett
  15. The only time my prayers are never answered is when I'm playing golf. - Billy Graham
  16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon
  17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain
  18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. - Harry Vardon
  19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. - Jimmy Demaret
  20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. - Ben Hogan
  21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it 's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. - All of us Hackers
  22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. - George Deukmejian

    And Finally...
  23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe . . . !!